Interpersonal Relationships Between Nigerian Mother-in-law and Their Daughters-in-law: Pre-marital and Family Counselling Implications
Chapter One
Objective of the Study
The objectives of the study are:
- to determine the role of effective communication on the attitude of mothers-in-law towards their daughters-in-law
- to discuss the consequences of ineffective communication between mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws in marital stability,
- To examine the relation of mother daughter relationship and well- being of the daughters with respect to self-esteem and life satisfaction.
CHAPTER TWO
REVIEW OF RELATED LITERATURE
The Importance of the Mother Daughter Relationship
Horney (1967) was one of the earlier theorists to explicitly state the importance of the relationship between mother and daughter in the lives of both women, in particular for daughters. Mother and daughters are believed to have a stronger attachment and greater intimacy than other parent/child relationships (Thompson & Walker, 1982; Troll & Fingerman, 1996). In other words, the mother- daughter dyad’s bond is the most affectional in a family relationship (Bromberg, 1983; Fisher, 1981; Martell, 1990; Thompsan & Walker, 1984). The tie between mother and daughter is very important for a girl’s development throughout her whole life (Tyson, 1991). Kenemore and Spira (1996) imply that the changes in girls’ physical appearance in adolescence and the changes in self esteem cause them to feel inadequate about their body and feelings. Moreover, they are more likely to lean to depression and suicide than boys and when they experience pressure in the family these negative feelings grow more. It is also known that mothers who do not have power and who are not treated equally with men are supporting of their daughters about losing self esteem and self confidence (Debold, Wilson, & Malave, 1993). Another study points out that daughters need to be more assertive and independent to reach achievement (Kenemore & Spira, 1996). The importance of the mother daughter relationship involves mothers as role models of the daughters and the idea of what a daughter must be like although the daughter may complain about this (Flax, 1978). Mothers are followed as models when daughters make career decisions (Barunch, 1972), and the model of a daughter in the relationship is formed by the daughters of the closest girl friends (Gold & Yanof, 1985), which explains the mother’s effect on a daughter’s life. Furthermore, the relationship between daughters and mothers is different from that between mothers and sons as they have the same body (Bernstein, 1983), a common identification (Notman, 2006), and from the very beginning of their relationship mothers treat their daughters differently from their sons (Elise, 1991). The relationship between mother and daughter is considered important for several reasons. First of all, mothers are the main care giver (Shannon & Shaw, 2008). Mothers spend more time with their children than fathers, regardless of their job status (Craig, 2006). Secondly, mothers are often supposed to be liable for transferring values and preparing their children as functioning members of the society (Johnson, 2000). Mothers are believed to be the most important models for their daughters (Chodorow, 1989), and daughters equate with their mothers more than with fathers (Starrels, 1994). The values and attitudes which are taught by mothers are internalized into daughters’ value system (Looker & Magee, 2000). Children consider the information they collect from their parents and accept, refuse or improve these (Shannon & Shaw, 2008). Research on mothers and daughters has shown that mothers’ experiences and perceptions affect daughters’ perspectives (Bergman & Fahey, 1998; Sholomskas & Axelrod, 1986). The importance of a mother for a daughter is clear. A woman experiences feelings of nourishment, tenderness, and security with her mother (Dauglass, 2005). Thirdly, attachment styles to mothers or any caregivers predict the quality of future relationships (Bowlby, 1988). From a psychoanalytic perspective, Chodorow (1978) states that the process of the Oedipus complex or Electra complex for girls is more difficult and more confusing because a mother constitutes the primary object of love but also forms a rival as the first model for a daughter. If a daughter experiences a conflict between differentiation, developing self and the maintaining the attachment with her mother, the relationship between mother and daughter would be ambivalent. However, even this ambivalent relationship remains significant in a daughter’s life (Notman, 2006). This relationship is believed to be a source of strength for a woman (Walters & Davie, 1988). In sum, the relationship between adult daughters and their mothers frequently involves closeness, intimacy, and support, that is, the sharing of a deep bond across their life-spans (Rossi, 1993; Rossi & Rossi, 1990; Cochran, 1985). According to Fischer (1991) interdependence and emotional connection are found as higher in mother and daughter relationship than other dyads. This relationship is very important for the self definition of a woman; therefore, this relationship must be positive rather than being cheerless (La Sorsa & Fodor, 1990).
CHAPTER THREE
RESEARCH METHODOLOGY
Research design
The researcher used descriptive research survey design in building up this project work the choice of this research design was considered appropriate because of its advantages of identifying attributes of a large population from a group of individuals. The design was suitable for the study as the study sought the Sources of dispute between mothers and daughters in-law: implication for counselling.
Sources of data collection
Data were collected from two main sources namely:
(i)Primary source and
(ii)Secondary source
Primary source:
These are materials of statistical investigation which were collected by the research for a particular purpose. They can be obtained through a survey, observation questionnaire or as experiment; the researcher has adopted the questionnaire method for this study.
Secondary source:
These are data from textbook Journal handset etc. they arise as byproducts of the same other purposes. Example administration, various other unpublished works and write ups were also used.
Population of the study
Population of a study is a group of persons or aggregate items, things the researcher is interested in getting information Sources of dispute between mothers and daughters in-law: implication for counselling. 200 staff of selected residents in Uyo state was selected randomly by the researcher as the population of the study.
CHAPTER FOUR
PRESENTATION ANALYSIS INTERPRETATION OF DATA
Introduction
Efforts will be made at this stage to present, analyze and interpret the data collected during the field survey. This presentation will be based on the responses from the completed questionnaires. The result of this exercise will be summarized in tabular forms for easy references and analysis. It will also show answers to questions relating to the research questions for this research study. The researcher employed simple percentage in the analysis.
CHAPTER FIVE
SUMMARY, CONCLUSION AND RECOMMENDATION
Introduction
It is important to ascertain that the objective of this study was on Sources of dispute between mothers and daughters in-law: implication for counselling. In the preceding chapter, the relevant data collected for this study were presented, critically analyzed and appropriate interpretation given. In this chapter, certain recommendations made which in the opinion of the researcher will be of benefits in addressing the challenges of Sources of dispute between mothers and daughters in-law: implication for counselling.
Summary
This study was on Sources of dispute between mothers and daughters in-law: implication for counselling. Four objectives were raised which included: to determine the role of effective communication on the attitude of mothers-in-law towards their daughters-in-law, to discuss the consequences of ineffective communication between mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws in marital stability and to examine the relation of mother daughter relationship and well- being of the daughters with respect to self-esteem and life satisfaction. In line with these objectives, two research hypotheses were formulated and two null hypotheses were posited. The total population for the study is 200 selected residents in Uyo. The researcher used questionnaires as the instrument for the data collection. Descriptive Survey research design was adopted for this study. A total of 133 respondents made civil servants, married men, married women and daughter inlaws was used for the study. The data collected were presented in tables and analyzed using simple percentages and frequencies
Conclusion
The results of the study showed that the three indicators of the mother daughter relationship (connectedness, interdependency, and trust in hierarchy) and the two indicators of well being (self-esteem and life satisfaction) were interrelated. These found relationships are in line with the existing literature. For example, Barnett, Kibria, Baruch, and Pleck (1991) claims that while a positive parent-child relationship creates higher well being, a negative relationship would result in psychological distress. Moreover, the available sources show that the mother-daughter relationship has a significant effect. In these sources it is suggested that some other research findings also point out that the relationship between mother and daughter was related to the psychological growth and well being of the daughter (Donovan, 1999; Kitamura & Muto, 2001; Baruch & Barnett, 1983). Supporting the literature, the result of the present study showed that the mother adult daughter relationship and well being had a positive relationship.
Recommendation
It is recommended to work with both daughters and their mothers. Moreover, collecting the mothers’ properties, such as single mothers, divorced mothers, married mothers, education level of mothers, social status of the mothers, can show how these variables affect the quality of the relationship.
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